No, it's not control that I am spiraling out of. I thought that was it but now I know it's def. not control. But what is it then?
I know this blog is supposed to be about my son and our journey with juvenile arthritis. I have another blog that I use via live journal but it's private and I have found that most, if not all, of my friends use blogger. So forgive me but this blog will not be about Jackson and his arthritis.
I feel that I am loosing my grip on my life again. This has happened before, not too long ago, but I was able to pull myself out of it. I feel like nothing I am doing is right, or correct. I know that I am not alone on this journey but many many days I feel exactly that. I have days when I don't feel like I don't connect to any one. I have moments when I feel alone and lost. I feel like my best days are not really my best and my worst days are just plain ol garbage.
I have friends. And I love them dearly but the fact is life gets in the way and we have not seen each other in quite some time and that saddens me.
Christmas has come and gone and it was nice to spend time with family but I am ready to pack it all away for another year.
I want to move but quite frankly we can not afford to do that at this time. I love my neighborhood but I would love to have more space. (and there is a part of me that would love to get away from the drama that is my neighbor across the street) I found out this week that the family I work for has suffered a job loss. I asked today if she would still need me and she said here and there. I guess working here and there is better than not working at all but I crave full time, Monday through Friday, work. I'll continue to do as I have, apply, apply, apply.
So sorry honey you have been feeling this way. It is hard with everything going on I am sure. It has been hard with life getting in the way over here too. Not being able to come see you. I miss you like dickens. I love you boo. Just always know this. I am always here if you ever want to talk, email, chat online. I am here.
ReplyDeleteI feel this way an awful lot. I have a hard time talking to people in general. I can write way, way better than I can speak. I think it's just that we have so much happening in our lives, so much more to worry about than other people. I think also that we tend to neglect ourselves more than parents without chronically ill children do. Lately I find that I have to keep reminding myself to look for one beautiful thing a day or think every day about something really good that happened that day. We'll get through 'cuz we have to. Call me if you need a shoulder!
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