Spiraling out of......control?

No, it's not control that I am spiraling out of. I thought that was it but now I know it's def. not control. But what is it then?

I know this blog is supposed to be about my son and our journey with juvenile arthritis. I have another blog that I use via live journal but it's private and I have found that most, if not all, of my friends use blogger. So forgive me but this blog will not be about Jackson and his arthritis.

I feel that I am loosing my grip on my life again. This has happened before, not too long ago, but I was able to pull myself out of it. I feel like nothing I am doing is right, or correct. I know that I am not alone on this journey but many many days I feel exactly that. I have days when I don't feel like I don't connect to any one. I have moments when I feel alone and lost. I feel like my best days are not really my best and my worst days are just plain ol garbage.

I have friends. And I love them dearly but the fact is life gets in the way and we have not seen each other in quite some time and that saddens me.

Christmas has come and gone and it was nice to spend time with family but I am ready to pack it all away for another year.

I want to move but quite frankly we can not afford to do that at this time. I love my neighborhood but I would love to have more space. (and there is a part of me that would love to get away from the drama that is my neighbor across the street) I found out this week that the family I work for has suffered a job loss. I asked today if she would still need me and she said here and there. I guess working here and there is better than not working at all but I crave full time, Monday through Friday, work. I'll continue to do as I have, apply, apply, apply. 

Ch Ch Ch Changes

About a month ago, FL had a cold snap. It was during this time that a mysterious rash appeared on Jackson's body. It was a one shot week and I noticed it as I was putting the emla cream on his arm. His arm felt very prickly and when I turned him around I saw the rash. It covered his back but it wasn't very red or raised. My first thought was maybe he was having an allergic reaction to the change in body wash. I took a picture of it and posted it to my arthritis friends group on FB to get some feedback. I had remembered seeing a picture of another child with a similer looking rash. Turns out it was just a case of extremely dry skin with the other child so I was inclined to think the same about Jackson. When I noticed the rash first, it was a Sunday, and by Tuesday it still wasn't gone but it didn't look any worse. I should mention that it didn't look any better either. I called the pediatrician Tuesday morning and made an appointment for that evening.

Jackson still has the molluscum and I was sorta concerned about that as well so I mentioned that to the Doctor as well. Turns out the molluscum were doing ok and I can proudly say that at this moment they are clearing up and going away! The other mysterious rash though? Yeah, she was inclined to think it was extremely dry skin and gave us a script for some hydrocortizone cream. She also gave us some samples of Cetaphil and some recommendations. I bought the Cetaphil bar soap but had to wait to get him some lotion until Patrick got paid. While waiting for that, the rash got worse and it began to spread. I began to worry.


Patrick got paid and I bought some Suave Lotion for extremely dry skin. For about a week and a half, I lathered Jackson up in the am and again after his nightly shower. In the mean time I began to wonder if Jackson had yet another type of arthritis. So I began the research for psoriatic arthritis. I looked at pictures and I read all the information my brain could take. I talked to my arthritis family and got their feedback as well. I found that people with psoriatic arthritis suffer from what is often referred to as "sausage" fingers and toes. BINGO! When Jackson was first diagnosed over a year ago he had the sausage like fingers and toes. I guess because psoriasis doesn't really run in our family it wasn't even a thought in any one's head. That and the rash hadn't presented its self yet. In speaking with another mom I found out that the rash could take up to 10 years to show!!  10 YEARS people!

I don't want to self diagnose but I really believe that Jackson has psoriatic arthritis. He was initially diagnosed with polyarticular.

His next appointment his Feb. 16th. and I hope to ask the Doctor a lot of questions and come out with a lot of answers! Wish us luck!

(I should also mention that despite the colder weather FL has been having, Jackson is doing and feeling well.)

The End of 2010

Here's wishing you, my readers, and your families a very happy holiday.

Enjoy your families and make a million memories!